I’ve been a mom to my own kids for 22, almost 23 years. I mother everyone, happy to hold a baby or play with a toddler. My husband has to remind me when we go to friends for dinner that I’m there to interact with the adults not the children!
And I have never, not once, made sourdough bread. I have never even wanted to. Half the time I don’t even want to eat it. I’m sure it is delicious but I often worry that it might be too hard on my jaw. I prefer a nice soft white bread. Warm is fantastic. Lots of butter.
And, I’m a great mom with no sourdough starter in my house.
For some reason there has been an uptick in homeschooling, bread making, perfect picture matching, made for instagram posts on my social media. I know it is because I’m friends with some amazing photographers and have gone to some conferences whose target has been stay at home moms transitioning to entrepreneurial gigs but they are so far from my reality. I see other moms defending their work time and posting their own tree climbing quality time with the children pictures. I see more and more people trying to do it all. The perfect pictures, the homeschooling/co-op mom groups and the included sourdough, book club, etsy shops.
I say, whoa. Take a break. If we forgot to tell you along the way that work life balance is a myth, let me say it now. You can do great things but you cannot do all the things! Let me say that again, you cannot do all the things.
Stores have sourdough. And there are schools.
I think that’s what I really want to talk about today. School. I love school. In my head, homeschooling has become sourdough camp and while I know it isn’t everything, I feel like defending schools. I love school, I really do. I teach teachers, for the love. I see the future of school and the here and now of school and I know it isn’t perfect but it is an experience for kids that is important. And I worry that people are choosing homeschooling because they feel like it is something they have to do because of the messages around them and I just want to share a bit of the other side.
I am great friends with people that did homeschooling all the way through and their grown children are kind, loving and smart. Homeschooling can work. And it isn’t for everyone. I stayed home with the boys when they were 3 and 1 and we did museums and puzzles and I have always taught them content in the summer. I know I can go faster than teachers with 30 kids. And I know that it is important to work in groups and see how others work.
I was better at teaching other people's kids more than my own. We cooked and baked, we wrote and did math, we celebrated Seahawks super bowls and played in the park. We made videos and sang songs, grew and released salmon and went to camp. We dressed up and played, we even learned to read, spell and do math. We had drills for fire and learned about safety. I taught the girls to advocate for themselves and the boys to listen. We navigated changing policies and politics and each student was seen as an individual. We learned about religions and customs. We walked to Hartman and ate pizza. We created clubs for writing and mental health. We convinced people to see our point of view and we changed our minds. We learned how to be away from our families and to trust others. Yes, we did some drills about shootings but we talked about them and how wherever you are there are risks and you need to know those to stay safe. Be aware, listen to the helpers, take care of each other. I inflicted more trauma with online math flash cards than with the drills we ran. I loved those kids like my own.
We read books, together. Painted, created and celebrated, we fell down and got hurt, we sometimes kicked, spit or hit. We said we were sorry and meant it. We made friends that will be with us forever. We said goodbye and we were heartbroken. But we did it together. It was the the togetherness of school that I love.
And schools are rad. But not all schools. Sometimes you can be the one left out, you can be the one saying goodbye or being kicked. You can be the one that brings up the back of the line or can’t figure out the assignment, you can be the new kid, the odd kid, the scary kid, the struggling kid. And you can be the compassionate kid and the smiley kid. When done right, it can change day to day, week to week, year to year. When you let the teachers teach, you get to see magic.
And the opposite of magic. I personally witnessed teachers who were the bullies to kids, parents, and other teachers. I remember thinking, one bad year will not be the worst thing that can happen and then changing my mind. I saw families leave and thrive whole others did so and suffered. I had children show up that I wish would have taken just one day off.
My point? Raising kids is hard. They are sensitive and unique. They are resilient and not. They get sick and opinionated, they don’t eat or they eat too much, they feel emotions and don’t know what to do with their bodies. They can be mean and hard, sweet and kind. Each of them. Schools are not just shooter drills while homeschool is not just sourdough.
Anyway, raising kids is hard. We need to all be there for each other. I think we can be more supportive of each other. Just in general.
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