I was driving on the two-lane road from Wenatchee to Entiat and there was a rockslide blocking the road. I took a call from one of my mentors and while I waited for traffic to clear, we discussed me becoming a principal. It was a new online program, and he would love for me to do it because he could work with me directly and it was work that I could do in my sleep. He was going to retire and move to Arizona so it would be one last hurrah of working together before he left. I was convinced. I was excited. He saw something in me that I had always seen, a leader, inspirational, significant.
And it was one of the worst decisions I've ever made.
I loved the program, I loved my mentor, I wanted to love the job. I was heartbroken when he got ill and never made it to his retirement. And I was crushed when I discovered the job was nothing like I had imagined.
Being a principal is not the leader of teachers like I wanted it to be. It is a gatekeeper role, police, fire, politics, hierarchy. And some people are really good at it. They can maneuver the landscape and not set off a slide beneath them. They can advocate and push without alienating and turning off. They can coax and cajole. They can even build coalitions. I envy their ability to keep a safe distance. I, on the other hand, took it all too personal. I move too fast; I am the earthquake that leads to destruction. I am the rockslide itself.
Ironically, my favorite quote is, “Give me a place to stand and I will move the world.”
So, becoming a principal was a decision that got me to exactly where I am today but if I have a regret, this is it. It was a decision to enter a part of the profession that broke me mentally, physically, emotionally, socially. I have rebuilt the machine, and I am faster, stronger, more resilient than I ever wanted to be.
And, how I move the world, is by teaching. I see individuals and I want to get the best of each of them. I want to provide tools and resources, ideas and actions that they can take and use to move their own parts of the world. Students enjoy that, teachers not so much. I realized I did not have the strength to endure the vitriol of the job, nor do I want to. I am not even keel enough to weather the storm of the work. I cannot separate myself from my job. I'm just not able. It is too hard, too mean, too unkind and yet I honor those that do it.
What I know to be true about me, is that I want to change the world by empowering individuals to be the best they can be; I am great at creating environments where teams thrive, and I like when people get along. Kindness and care, peace and love, human dignity matter to me. I am a teacher, a connector, a coach, an educator, an advocate for learning. Always.
It took many real and metaphorical roadblocks for me to understand this about myself. And I am fairly naïve so I think it should work just about anywhere, but what I have come to find out is that the environment for being a life longer learner is not a guarantee and when you find a place where there are others like you, you should hold on tight and do your best work!
Oh, and then roadblocks keep popping up, take a moment and see the bigger picture, they might be there for a reason-to keep you save, to warn you, to prevent you from making the same mistake again, or even to just give you a moment to figure what you need on this next part of the adventure.
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